this is what i look like right now:)

thats what i look like:) finally under 100:D so happy:) i could be smaller but hey i'll get there:D nothing a little hard work wont get me to:) i dont really have much to say lol i just wanted to post that. my kitty has taken over my heated blanket ahah she loves it and snoozes on it all day:) i am very addicted to mario now, was up till 1 am playing that ahha. i think things might finally be starting to get better:) stay strong and safe loves!!!
xoxo thin is beauty<3

success!!!!!!!!:D

98.8 THIS IS WHAT I WEIGH:D i am estatic!!! i feel amazing:) whooo thats so amazing:) i am under 100 pounds. FINALLY. this is amazing. i feel great. i've decided my scale is just screwed up because it changes on which foot i use, right foot flickering between 100 and 99. left foot 106. so im saying eff you scale and using my wii scale:) i got a wii and wii fit plus:) its amazing and fun:) im still working on finding out all the stuff on it:p i cant wait until i get to my goal:) it guna be so amazing. i got amazing gifts:) i got wii and wii fit:) and like stuff to go with it like a calorie counter, yoga mat and that stuff:) i got a HEATED BLANKET:D and i love it!!! its soooo nice and warm:) and soft! then i got a pillow pet! cuz i love pandas and i wanted it:) a couple little pandas, i got a new purse from my aunt which i love:) i love it soo much its purple and big like i need:) i got a sensry sheep that smells like vanilla:) which i love. and of course candy:/ but i put all that in the a draw so its okay. and just a few other little things but anyways i hope you all had a good christmas:) stay strong and safe:)
xoxo thin is beauty<3

i love christmas just wanna say that, like i love how happy and caring everyone is this time of the year! like everyone is just so happy and all that it makes me smile:D but the horrible part is how much effing food my mom makes!!! she's spent about four days baking. nothing but baking im like what the eff do we need THIS much food for!! she's made: 50 chocolatechip cookies, 50 oatmeal cookies, 50 orange cookies, two things of brownies, four loafs of pumpkin bread, bread, peanut butter balls, and so much more! i'm like what the eff do you need so much food for? its just like making me want to binge:/ but i know i cant so thus i just sit in my room all day. im super nervous for Christmas day since my (FFFFAAAAATTTTT) older sister will be here so all she's guna wanna do is go out to eat and all that shit. like she doesnt have very many fastfood places were she lives and in my town we do so that all she's guna want. and im scared with more people in my house its guna be harder to purge:( im just so nervous about how things are guna go. and if my sister catches ANYTHING im screwed cuz she's a huge bitch and tells my mom EVERYTHING i do cuz she loves to see me get in trouble:/ but anyways my nose is looking good:) and its not too sore:) kinda hurts now since my lovely kitty decided she should bite my nose to wake me up:/ but eh shit happens:p heres a leg update:D

xoxo thin is beauty<3

:)

soooo since i got under 105 i got a new reward:D i got my septum pierced:) i decided i was guna do this late last night while talking to one of my ana buddies. she was talking about how she had her's done and she loved it AND that she got it cuz you can hide it super easy from your parents!! i was like mmmmm i want it... so i got it today after school:) i went and checked at lunch and they said they could do it after school so after waiting what seemed like forever! i leave school and go there. i went in and i was shaking pretty bad i was really nervous and excited. so they had me breath to calm me down then they put the clamp on and i told them not to tell me when they were guna do it cuz it freaks me out to know cuz then im just feeling for the pain lol. so they got the needle through and ring in and i was so shocked i was like shit not even a day ago i didnt know i would be here right now. but i got it and ring in and everything and i love it:DD is so cute:) and the good thing about it is its super easy to hide! since my parents hate piercings and i have to hide it. i just flip it up inside my nose and and you cant tell:) its so nice! i just love how i can choose if i wanna have it out or not:)
food wise i did amazing for today anyways, in my art class we had kind of a party and everyone brought pie for some reason? so i just told everyone i couldnt have anything cuz i'm vegan:) it worked out pretty good ahah i didnt have to have anything:) i've done most of my work out and i feel good about that ahha. i just have a little bit left to do and i'll be all good:) today was a pretty good day:) not to mention the last day of school till after new years:D whooo!!!
here's my tummy right now:)

i should just punch myself....

so last night i did the stupidest thing every but first i have to tell about the being of my day. so i was watching my little brother cuz my mom was all i gotta go to a church thing all day and my dads all i gotta go fishing all day. so i was alone for most of my day. at about one pm i got bored.... and well i was like i gotta make little guy lunch. then i ended up eating a little bit...and a little bit more...and more.. so then i was like ssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiitttttttttttt i gotta purge so i go up to do that. closer to the end i started getting splatters of blood. SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!!!!! but i kept going until nothing else came up. im pretty sure i just scratched myself but still scary shit and im not guna purge for quiet a while. so i figured i'd be fine! and perfect timing im sick as all hell so my parents area at most guna push me to eat some veggie soup which im alright with eating. so then i go out last night. i party a bit and then everyone is like here bro have some cake and im like uhhhh okay man, ya i love cake. i fricking ate the damn piece and then they gave me mac n cheese!!! like a fricking HUGE bowl!!!!! i was like oh ya i like this stuff and ate it:/ my stomach is feeling like its guna burst and all that so they dont make me eat anymore. and i cant purge because they would hear me and i dont want a bloody throat again. so i left it in:( i feel like i've gained about six pounds just in my stomach:( ao deffinatly fasting for a couple days till at least wednesday. and the most shitty things about doing that is now im so fricking hungry my body is like ahhhh foooooooooodddddd give me moreeeeeeee:/ i fail at life:(
xoxo thin is beauty

mmmmm

i think hopefully maybe im under 100 maybe! my legs look smaller and my tummy is smaller to:) i'm hoping so!!! that would be sooooo amazing:) i've noticed that in the past week or so since i've lost weight and all this a lot more guys have been talking to me and people have been more friendly towards me. its so weird everyone is asking me to hang out and all this. i've had plans every night this week and hung out with different people and am getting more invited to more things:) its so nice!! i feel so much happier and everyone is being really nice to me! i love it! it just feel so amazing everything is going so well! i hope it stays like this for a while:) i dont even feel like eating i can go all day and it doesnt bug me! i just feel on top of the world:)
xoxo thin is beauty

magical 100:)

stepping on the scale today i was 100 exactly:) i even took a picture and sent it to my buddies. (i know im weird haha) but its just one step closer to my goal. only ten more pounds:D but i've been thinking a lot lately ever since i was 106 and maybe 85 would be better? i mean thats a bmi of 16.1 right now im 18.9 so i dont think it would be that bad. it just seems so much better. maybe thats just my ed talking but still i think it would be. i'll see how i feel when i get to 90:)
in my art class my teacher is an idiot and thought it would be fine to put all my stuff up on the top shelve. well im only about 5'1 im about 5'3 on my tip toes and this shelve is about eh 5'9 5'10 feet tall! and im like well how the hell am i guna get my stuff! so i asked my friend i was like can you grab that for me please and he looks at me up and down and say nah i'll just lift you up and you can grab it. im like uhhh im kinda heavy and he's like please your a stick:p so he lifts me up like he's picking up a little kid and me being a dork tried to hurry and grab everything at once so he wouldnt have to hold all my weight for long and ended up spilling a whole little tub of glass. but anyways it made me so happy that i was THAT easy for him to just hold up there like that! i was like YESSSSSAAAAAA!!!!!! made my whole day:) not to add he said i was getting pretty skinny:)
all in all i've had a fantastic day:) i kept getting compliments and all that good stuff:) and didnt have to eat until till dinner like always:) ohhh and everyone loved my new hair:) so thats also a plus:) well i hope everyone is doing good:) stay strong and safe!!!
xoxo thin is beauty<3

second thoughts

i take back what it says at the top of my blog. about asking people to join me. i dont want them to have this life. im so lonely. i have no friends to go hang out with. i just want to find someone who will always bee with me. to help me feel better. i wish i had someone who would take the time and listen to me and talk to me. i want someone to hug me and make me feel better. i mostly want someone to understand and still love me. even if they know how screwed up my mind is. i really wish i had a boyfriend. at least a good one anyways that would stay even after knowing how messed up i am. but i guess im just not good enough for anyone to be with me.
well on a higher note, i gave myself my reward for for getting under 110. i got my hair cut and colored:) it looks pretty good. im no longer super light blonde. im now a mix of blonde and brown. like a whole bunch of mini highlights. its so weird to look in the mirror and see it ahah but its pretty:) and on another high note at the most im 106 now. so i guess thats good. i also got told im drop dead sexy so i guess thats good ahah. i also hate when people call me cute. cute to me is a word for chubby. mainly because a guy i really loved at one point told me im "cute chubby" so now when people tell me im cute i think its a nice way of saying you look fat. well i dont really have anything else to say i hope everyone is doing good. if anyone even reads this:/ i never seem to get any comments...any who good luck and i hope you dont feel like i do right now
xoxo thin is beauty