this is what i look like right now:)

thats what i look like:) finally under 100:D so happy:) i could be smaller but hey i'll get there:D nothing a little hard work wont get me to:) i dont really have much to say lol i just wanted to post that. my kitty has taken over my heated blanket ahah she loves it and snoozes on it all day:) i am very addicted to mario now, was up till 1 am playing that ahha. i think things might finally be starting to get better:) stay strong and safe loves!!!
xoxo thin is beauty<3

success!!!!!!!!:D

98.8 THIS IS WHAT I WEIGH:D i am estatic!!! i feel amazing:) whooo thats so amazing:) i am under 100 pounds. FINALLY. this is amazing. i feel great. i've decided my scale is just screwed up because it changes on which foot i use, right foot flickering between 100 and 99. left foot 106. so im saying eff you scale and using my wii scale:) i got a wii and wii fit plus:) its amazing and fun:) im still working on finding out all the stuff on it:p i cant wait until i get to my goal:) it guna be so amazing. i got amazing gifts:) i got wii and wii fit:) and like stuff to go with it like a calorie counter, yoga mat and that stuff:) i got a HEATED BLANKET:D and i love it!!! its soooo nice and warm:) and soft! then i got a pillow pet! cuz i love pandas and i wanted it:) a couple little pandas, i got a new purse from my aunt which i love:) i love it soo much its purple and big like i need:) i got a sensry sheep that smells like vanilla:) which i love. and of course candy:/ but i put all that in the a draw so its okay. and just a few other little things but anyways i hope you all had a good christmas:) stay strong and safe:)
xoxo thin is beauty<3

i love christmas just wanna say that, like i love how happy and caring everyone is this time of the year! like everyone is just so happy and all that it makes me smile:D but the horrible part is how much effing food my mom makes!!! she's spent about four days baking. nothing but baking im like what the eff do we need THIS much food for!! she's made: 50 chocolatechip cookies, 50 oatmeal cookies, 50 orange cookies, two things of brownies, four loafs of pumpkin bread, bread, peanut butter balls, and so much more! i'm like what the eff do you need so much food for? its just like making me want to binge:/ but i know i cant so thus i just sit in my room all day. im super nervous for Christmas day since my (FFFFAAAAATTTTT) older sister will be here so all she's guna wanna do is go out to eat and all that shit. like she doesnt have very many fastfood places were she lives and in my town we do so that all she's guna want. and im scared with more people in my house its guna be harder to purge:( im just so nervous about how things are guna go. and if my sister catches ANYTHING im screwed cuz she's a huge bitch and tells my mom EVERYTHING i do cuz she loves to see me get in trouble:/ but anyways my nose is looking good:) and its not too sore:) kinda hurts now since my lovely kitty decided she should bite my nose to wake me up:/ but eh shit happens:p heres a leg update:D

xoxo thin is beauty<3

:)

soooo since i got under 105 i got a new reward:D i got my septum pierced:) i decided i was guna do this late last night while talking to one of my ana buddies. she was talking about how she had her's done and she loved it AND that she got it cuz you can hide it super easy from your parents!! i was like mmmmm i want it... so i got it today after school:) i went and checked at lunch and they said they could do it after school so after waiting what seemed like forever! i leave school and go there. i went in and i was shaking pretty bad i was really nervous and excited. so they had me breath to calm me down then they put the clamp on and i told them not to tell me when they were guna do it cuz it freaks me out to know cuz then im just feeling for the pain lol. so they got the needle through and ring in and i was so shocked i was like shit not even a day ago i didnt know i would be here right now. but i got it and ring in and everything and i love it:DD is so cute:) and the good thing about it is its super easy to hide! since my parents hate piercings and i have to hide it. i just flip it up inside my nose and and you cant tell:) its so nice! i just love how i can choose if i wanna have it out or not:)
food wise i did amazing for today anyways, in my art class we had kind of a party and everyone brought pie for some reason? so i just told everyone i couldnt have anything cuz i'm vegan:) it worked out pretty good ahah i didnt have to have anything:) i've done most of my work out and i feel good about that ahha. i just have a little bit left to do and i'll be all good:) today was a pretty good day:) not to mention the last day of school till after new years:D whooo!!!
here's my tummy right now:)

i should just punch myself....

so last night i did the stupidest thing every but first i have to tell about the being of my day. so i was watching my little brother cuz my mom was all i gotta go to a church thing all day and my dads all i gotta go fishing all day. so i was alone for most of my day. at about one pm i got bored.... and well i was like i gotta make little guy lunch. then i ended up eating a little bit...and a little bit more...and more.. so then i was like ssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiitttttttttttt i gotta purge so i go up to do that. closer to the end i started getting splatters of blood. SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!!!!! but i kept going until nothing else came up. im pretty sure i just scratched myself but still scary shit and im not guna purge for quiet a while. so i figured i'd be fine! and perfect timing im sick as all hell so my parents area at most guna push me to eat some veggie soup which im alright with eating. so then i go out last night. i party a bit and then everyone is like here bro have some cake and im like uhhhh okay man, ya i love cake. i fricking ate the damn piece and then they gave me mac n cheese!!! like a fricking HUGE bowl!!!!! i was like oh ya i like this stuff and ate it:/ my stomach is feeling like its guna burst and all that so they dont make me eat anymore. and i cant purge because they would hear me and i dont want a bloody throat again. so i left it in:( i feel like i've gained about six pounds just in my stomach:( ao deffinatly fasting for a couple days till at least wednesday. and the most shitty things about doing that is now im so fricking hungry my body is like ahhhh foooooooooodddddd give me moreeeeeeee:/ i fail at life:(
xoxo thin is beauty

mmmmm

i think hopefully maybe im under 100 maybe! my legs look smaller and my tummy is smaller to:) i'm hoping so!!! that would be sooooo amazing:) i've noticed that in the past week or so since i've lost weight and all this a lot more guys have been talking to me and people have been more friendly towards me. its so weird everyone is asking me to hang out and all this. i've had plans every night this week and hung out with different people and am getting more invited to more things:) its so nice!! i feel so much happier and everyone is being really nice to me! i love it! it just feel so amazing everything is going so well! i hope it stays like this for a while:) i dont even feel like eating i can go all day and it doesnt bug me! i just feel on top of the world:)
xoxo thin is beauty

magical 100:)

stepping on the scale today i was 100 exactly:) i even took a picture and sent it to my buddies. (i know im weird haha) but its just one step closer to my goal. only ten more pounds:D but i've been thinking a lot lately ever since i was 106 and maybe 85 would be better? i mean thats a bmi of 16.1 right now im 18.9 so i dont think it would be that bad. it just seems so much better. maybe thats just my ed talking but still i think it would be. i'll see how i feel when i get to 90:)
in my art class my teacher is an idiot and thought it would be fine to put all my stuff up on the top shelve. well im only about 5'1 im about 5'3 on my tip toes and this shelve is about eh 5'9 5'10 feet tall! and im like well how the hell am i guna get my stuff! so i asked my friend i was like can you grab that for me please and he looks at me up and down and say nah i'll just lift you up and you can grab it. im like uhhh im kinda heavy and he's like please your a stick:p so he lifts me up like he's picking up a little kid and me being a dork tried to hurry and grab everything at once so he wouldnt have to hold all my weight for long and ended up spilling a whole little tub of glass. but anyways it made me so happy that i was THAT easy for him to just hold up there like that! i was like YESSSSSAAAAAA!!!!!! made my whole day:) not to add he said i was getting pretty skinny:)
all in all i've had a fantastic day:) i kept getting compliments and all that good stuff:) and didnt have to eat until till dinner like always:) ohhh and everyone loved my new hair:) so thats also a plus:) well i hope everyone is doing good:) stay strong and safe!!!
xoxo thin is beauty<3

second thoughts

i take back what it says at the top of my blog. about asking people to join me. i dont want them to have this life. im so lonely. i have no friends to go hang out with. i just want to find someone who will always bee with me. to help me feel better. i wish i had someone who would take the time and listen to me and talk to me. i want someone to hug me and make me feel better. i mostly want someone to understand and still love me. even if they know how screwed up my mind is. i really wish i had a boyfriend. at least a good one anyways that would stay even after knowing how messed up i am. but i guess im just not good enough for anyone to be with me.
well on a higher note, i gave myself my reward for for getting under 110. i got my hair cut and colored:) it looks pretty good. im no longer super light blonde. im now a mix of blonde and brown. like a whole bunch of mini highlights. its so weird to look in the mirror and see it ahah but its pretty:) and on another high note at the most im 106 now. so i guess thats good. i also got told im drop dead sexy so i guess thats good ahah. i also hate when people call me cute. cute to me is a word for chubby. mainly because a guy i really loved at one point told me im "cute chubby" so now when people tell me im cute i think its a nice way of saying you look fat. well i dont really have anything else to say i hope everyone is doing good. if anyone even reads this:/ i never seem to get any comments...any who good luck and i hope you dont feel like i do right now
xoxo thin is beauty

only 16 more pounds:DDD

i have sixteen maybe 15 more pounds until my goal weight:D im so happy:) im going on a fast i've decided. tonight i ate tons of grapes to clean out my system (safer than laxs). i have decided i cannot eat until i finish harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban. new rule: you can only eat once you finish the book im reading. also i need to pull up my grades fast! i have three weeks to get my grades up ugh major cramming! im guna have to pull me geometery grade up the best i can so i dont fail.. hopefully this all helps me not eat:) oh and diet cocoa is the best most wonderfull thing of my life!!!! only 25 calories a cup:D and that is the one thing i will never ever stop drinking im pretty sure. i would drink coffee but i HATE coffee so cocoa is like my coffee ahah. i've also decided i kinda wanna start writing poetry well try anyways ahah. maybe i'll start posting some of my stuff up once i get any good at it:) and also once i can move out of wyoming i am! the winters are horrible! i have never been this cold in my life! i mean i've lived here all my life but its just so cold this year! im freezing all the time:( i hate cold!
xoxo thin is beauty<3

whoooo!

im startin to feel tons better!! (pain pills are lovely) my surgery has given me a fantastic excuse as to not eat:D wednesday when i went to the doctors i weighed in at 116.8! today i stepped on my scale and it read up 110:D im so please! thats six pounds almost seven in 5 days:D thats amazing! i cant wait to lose more!!! its a great feeling:) im hoping by the time i got back to the doctor next wednesday i'll be at least 106:)as long as i keep this up i think i will be! my mom is starting to nag again about me eating so i just make it look like i've eaten something:) like sprinkling some cereal in a bowl with some milk and putting in the sink and she's all happy. today i emptied out on of the mini ben and jerry's ice creams she got me and she thinks i've eaten that too. really i've had two small apple slices, and two crackers. i had to eat those so i could take my pills without getting sick. all in all i feel im doing pretty good:) good luck girls (or guys:)) just keep trying and you'll get to your goal:)
xoxo thin is beauty<3

surgery:(

incase i havent said it on here i get horrible cramps when that time of the month comes around, or just when ever it feels like it. well i had surgery today well i guess yesterday, but any who it hurt. not guna lie. in a lot a lot of pain. i know take a pain pill ya thats not helping:/ the only good thing about this is i've only had three crackers and a few grapes (can take pills on an empty tummy dont wanna get sick). but i had a laprascopsy(i know spelled wrong) but pretty much they cut four holes in my stomach and filled me up with carbon dioxide. now im uberly bloated:( i feel like im just guna float away im so bloated. while they were doing that they took out my apendix. i guess it was all twisted up and what not. they also found out i have endrometeryious which means my uterus leaks blood into my body and it gets infected. so i gotta get that treated. but in the mean time i'm just in pain. i will never think lightly of getting up and going pee. that is one of the hardest things to do right now and my bathroom is about ten feet away. im kinda nervous about the bloat and not being able to do sit ups:/ i feel like im guna be bloated forever and its just guna stay there. im hoping by thanksgiving to be down 5 pounds. all i've been doing is drinking. so i hope i will. even though thats probably not helping with the bloat but o well im thirsty. i just wish i could sleep:/ i cant sleep no matter how hard i try! im so tired its all i want to do:/ i also wish i could have a nice subway sandwich with tuna lettuce tons and tons of pickles and banana peppers. but i gotta wait until i can purge for that:/ o well. i hope everyone is doing good! stay strong loves!
xoxo thin is beauty

ughhhhh

so i had a couple of days of bingeing and purging. now today my dad is just screaming at me about it and all that stuff. im just so sick of my parents trying to control me i mean its my body im guna go what i want with it clearly i dont care what you want me to do with it. its just so damn annoying and im just so pissed. they never said shit aobut how and what my sister ate so whatever its dumb. so not sure if i've lost any weight yet but im thinking i have but im not sure. i just people have been pissing me off sooo bad lately but its whatever i guess. i just am tired haha going threw one of my low moods i guess well i'll update later:)
xoxo stay strong<3

new plan!!

i am now weighing in at a huge 114 pounds! what the fuck! i hate how i look:/ i want to cut all this fat off my body, i want my bones to slip out of my skin so everyone can see their beauty. getting thin is my number one goal. nothing else is mattering really. i want to just lose weight! i hate winter!!!! i cant run! im guna be up all night running in my room tonight! this is my new diet plan:
morning: low cal cocoa (60) while getting ready
take my hydroxycut wait an hour, eat an apple (neg. calories)
lunch: hydroxycut wait an hour, have an apple and mints ( neg calories)
dinner: salad, fat free ranch dressing (i have always had a thing for ranch, not any ranch it HAS to be hidden valley ranch)
my work out will be 600 sit ups at least, 300 leg lifts, 100 squats, and as much carido as i can get in the winter.
i hate my body how it is so im going to change it. no matter what. im going vegan, first day will be tomorrow. i am the one that controlls my life and i want to be skinny so i will make myself skinny i can not wait until i am 90 pounds i Will get there. it might take me a while but i will. i swear.
xoxo thin is beauty<3

i havent been on lately:(

sorry guys! even though im sure not a lot of people read this i still havent been posting:( i feel terribly guilty! but im going to start again:) this blog is going to be my journal, it will contain everything im feeling and thinking. no matter what! all the little hairy details about my life and my journey with anorexia. one of my goals in life is to write a book, maybe this is a good start.
well i havent been doing much lately. i started school in late august, gained some weight:( but im taking it all off! i am taking hydroxycut, it is working wonderfully! i love it so far. (i am not telling anyone to go on diet pills or anything like that, just telling you what i am doing.) i found out on of my bestfriends is also ana/mia. we help eachother a lot! we work at this together so we dont feel so alone. its nice to know im not the only person i know that feels like this. i hope everyone has been doing wonderfully! this is all i can post now but im sure i will post later! remember nothing tastes as good as thin feels!
xoxo thin is beauty<3

sick!

sorry! sorry i havent been posting lately! i have been on vacation! i had to go see my sister and all that. it sucked:( we had to always go out to eat and all that and it sucked! i purged most of what i ate anyways so i think i did good:) i hope so anyways. i checked my weight today and im 102! whoo!! i havent weighted that since last year! whoo go me:) i've very excited about this haha as you can probably tell.

while i was gone i decided to go to the local library:) i found the book stick figure and read that and i loved it! it was very good:) i just hate how they always suddenly get better it just is annoy to me i guess. i'm still waiting for my books to get here! they havent came yet:/ its annoying! i want them here way bad! i need something to inspire me! but today i got the book wasted:) i've heard good things about it so i hope its good i'll let everyone know how it is:)

well i hope everyone is doing good! stay strong loves! i hope everyone is doing good and im sorry for not posting:/ but i hope you all have been doing good! nothing tastes as good as thin feels<3
xoxo thin is beauty<3

apple apples apples!

since i can't post thinspo pictures, here's some great videos!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EF-zTNfVaB4&playnext=1&videos=oCkrDkRl2FA&feature=grec_index

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmJSf87yKYs&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRBd-KrRM_w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdeH6Jika2Y&feature=related

i hope that helps everyone:) im doing an apple diet. i decided i can't do my fast due to my raging pms that is making me want to eat everything in my kitchen so im allowing myself one apple a day. what i do is i take and apple and cut it into slices. i get two slices a meal which usually leaves me two slices left over for a snack. so far its going good! and to make it even better apples are negative calories so its basically like im not eating anything at all! i did it yesterday and today. but i will not be able to the next couple days. why? because im being forced to go to see my sister at college and do some school shopping. shopping im excited for the other thing not so much. but o well its worth it. im hoping all my shirts will be a size small and my pants all 0 like last year and not like in winter when i had to get a medium shirt and a 1 or 3 for pants. i hope im at least back to the size i was this time last year! that would be super duper great! i cannont wait until im a 00 which im sure i will be by the time i get to my goal weight! whoo 90 pounds here i come! i hope i really get there this time and stay there! wish me luck everyone! i hope everyone is doing great and i would love it if someone started talking to me on here! i feel like im just writing this everyday and no one is reading it! so if you read please comment saying what you think! that would be fantastic! thanks loves! stay strong!
xoxo thin is beauty<3

work out!

well i have plopped myself down on my couch extremely tired from working out for an hour. thats right a whole hour just making my butt look better ahaha. i burned 500 calories! a damn good work out i'd say for someone as lazy as me. but damn thats hard work! and for not eating for quiet a while like three or is it two days? but im doing pretty good i'd say. i always feel weird when you see those all old creepy guys that are like 90 on the elptical or whatever machine they are on. i just always feel like they are watching me why i dont know just like i have this thing where i walk around my house before i go to bed to make sure no one is here. why i dunno i just have a fear of someone like watching me sleep or something. i know its is a short entry but im tired and need a nap and a good book. maybe a bubble bath? well see! good luck loves! stay strong.
xoxo thin is beauty<3

starve sin hate?

so i just finished watching eat pray love and it was a very good movie i must say! it was super duper long but it was good. also i hate how cold they keep damn movie theaters! i mean come on! they should have a warning saying you will in fact lose all feeling to your body due to that we are assholes and keep it five degrees in here. next time i go to the movies im taking my blanket. but instead of stuffing my face with pop corn and candy like most people do at the movies i sipped on my diet coke happily threw out the movie.
i have manage to get the nickname sniffles. why? well because i am always sick! no matter what. summer winter fall spring im sick sick sick. my nose is always well sniffling so my friend have began calling me sniffles.
but this is just a short update from earlier im still pretty annoyed that i cant put pictures on here! i will get to the bottom of this!
stay strong!
xoxo thin is beauty

really day two!

well its not as bad as i thought im not really hungry! i've been drinking all day like juice water ect. i've been calming im deathly ill and cannont hold anything down to my parents. they're buying it so far. but i do have to go to eat pray love tonight with my mom and aunt. i will not be getting anything but diet coke/pepsi. no candy or anything like that. i have been reading all day today and im a huge book worm you could say. i love reading i could do it all day and not be bothered a bit. im currently reading big fat manifesto which as you can guess is a book about a fat girl. i really enjoy reading books about people with eating disorders and books about fat people i dont know why i just do and its kinda like thinspo to me.
but anyways back to my fast! okay so i've learned apple cider is a great drink to have! i mean it fills you up very nicely:) also crystal light packets are my new love! they have almost no calories and make water taste great! my breakfast are now cigaretts. ya ya i smoke i dont wanna hear all the lung cancer wrinkles blah blah blah. its one or two cigs a day it'll be fine but anyways they curve your hunger for a while so i'm not hungry for breakfast. i do not recommend smoking or suggest anyone should start im just saying that i do. i would post some thinspo but my computer for some reason wont let me:/ so stay strong loves! keep it up! well all get to our goals soon!
nothing tastes as good as thin feels<3
xoxo thin is beauty

day two!

well actually its day one for me on my fast:/ i ended up having some yogurt yesterday but i havent ate anything but that. so i guess im doing good:) i've just been drinking lots and lots! keeps my hunger away! im trying really really hard to get down to my goal weight but i can only lose so much so fast. which sucks.
lately i've been talking so some of my ana buddies about diet pills. i mean i dont know if you can get them before your 18 or not but i dont know and i sure dont want to go into a store and try to get them and have them be like well your underage you cant get these. so thus im going to do my research and figure out whether i can or cannot get them. i know laxs are a bad idea because they usually end up making you gain weight they ONLY make you lose water weight so i dont think i will be taking those anytime soon.
due to a party i went to last night i am super tired today and have zero energy and just want to sleep. i will not be putting one ounce of food in my mouth:) im just exhausted today!
well i hope you all are doing good and my blog is helping you all stay strong<3
xoxo thin is beauty

thinspire me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw0kHgUrP3A&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryahMDzDl28&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSBLiGUSv0w&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rS3lloB_8c4&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jI7rCRZh9K8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BC0dBk3ndc

just some great thinspo videos that i try and watch everyday! its great modivation!

i hope that helps everyone!

today im starting a ten day fast. well im going to try! it can hurt i guess, after im off the fast i'm going to try and only eat very small meals, so i dont binge. i learned that if i just stop eating then if i dont control what im eating the fast does nothing due to my binge, even if i do purge it up. i've heard from people that the ten day fast is also known as a "cleanse". cleanse or fast i dont care as long as it helps me lose these last couple pounds! i know im getting pretty close to my goal! just last month being 124 pounds! now im a whole 103:) im still pretty disapointed in myself for getting up to that weight but it happens and now im making myself thin again! i've noticed my hips are showing more and my ribs are too! not too bad though but im hoping by the time im at my goal my hips will stick out just a little not too bad but just perfect i guess. wish me luck!


so lastly i've been hearing things like the average person burns 2000 calories on there own every day! now i dont know if thats true or not but if it is that would be great! i mean i try and workout an hour everyday but if im also burning 2000 calories just from everyday activities thats great! i know everyone wants this to be true but im not sure if it is. and i also have been hearing most people burn and 345 calories sleeping, so just laying in bed sleeping can help you so rest up!

just some thinspo:)

 

 
 

 

i hope this gives you some inspiration:)

first blog!

hello my lovlies,
 this is my first blog ever:) in this i will be telling you about my life and my daily experiances as being anorexic and bulimic. i believe they are diseases but i also believe that you can "catch" them. i will be updating how im doing and how close im getting to my goal and what im doing to get there. my current stats are: CW(current weight) 103 GW(goal weight) 90. im 5'1 which is 61 inches. i  will get to my goal! i promises you this. anyone can get to there goal as long as they work at it enough and try hard enough. so please follow me and my journey to my goal weight:) and far after that. i will become thin and beautiful, just like i've always dreamed<3