so last night i did the stupidest thing every but first i have to tell about the being of my day. so i was watching my little brother cuz my mom was all i gotta go to a church thing all day and my dads all i gotta go fishing all day. so i was alone for most of my day. at about one pm i got bored.... and well i was like i gotta make little guy lunch. then i ended up eating a little bit...and a little bit more...and more.. so then i was like ssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiitttttttttttt i gotta purge so i go up to do that. closer to the end i started getting splatters of blood. SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!!!!! but i kept going until nothing else came up. im pretty sure i just scratched myself but still scary shit and im not guna purge for quiet a while. so i figured i'd be fine! and perfect timing im sick as all hell so my parents area at most guna push me to eat some veggie soup which im alright with eating. so then i go out last night. i party a bit and then everyone is like here bro have some cake and im like uhhhh okay man, ya i love cake. i fricking ate the damn piece and then they gave me mac n cheese!!! like a fricking HUGE bowl!!!!! i was like oh ya i like this stuff and ate it:/ my stomach is feeling like its guna burst and all that so they dont make me eat anymore. and i cant purge because they would hear me and i dont want a bloody throat again. so i left it in:( i feel like i've gained about six pounds just in my stomach:( ao deffinatly fasting for a couple days till at least wednesday. and the most shitty things about doing that is now im so fricking hungry my body is like ahhhh foooooooooodddddd give me moreeeeeeee:/ i fail at life:(
xoxo thin is beauty
awwww sweetie!!! I'm soo sorry, I would be scared out of my life 2! I haven't had a good week either! Ive felt like Ana thinks I'm not worthy and is slowing moving out of my life. The holidays are evil! They make me feels as if the only way to be normal is to eat normally, but I dont want normal, I want THIN!
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P.s you don't "fail" at life! its justa rough patch :)
awww thank you scarlet:) you made me feel tons better!!! i did a good work out today so i hope that makes up for it!!! im guess it was around 900 or so cals:/ but i know what you mean about holidays. i just want to like eat and not feel horrible. but now the food that i did eat sound so gross and makes me gag thinking about it like anything sweet like cake makes me wanna throw up so i have zero cravings:) i hope your doing good!
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